Rose Witch

rememberingme16:

Your eyes

     as blue as sea,

              I submerge in them

as I make my plea

      loosing myself deeper within.

                           I feel your waves

crashing against my body

                wrapping themselves

around my curves

as I concede that I have no choice

                  but to surrender to thee as I hear your voice

calling for me.

I am yours my talk dark ghost,

                                defeated by all I know,

your blue eyes and the words

                            that provoke my face to glow.

carrotkid:

They expect my reaction to be something like:

When really, my reaction is something like:

shivers run down my spine

my skin rises with the cold inside

my mind tumbles through all the memories

and that moment where i felt like i’d died….

a playful bump

 a conversation

   a text

     a day

        a bed

          a reprieve from the lonliness we’ve temporally fled 

             the bitter words

                 ………the silence

                              and the words that refuse to be said

i’ve returned full circle, it seems

a heart breaking with an almighty crack 

but this is nothing knew to this fragile, guarded soul

….nor are the feelings you now lack        

one of the most unpleasnt things for me as a writer is when you are so full of emotions and you want-, no need to turn all that anguish into words….but they wont come to you. i hate it when this happens, like now for instance, and i like i’m in a cage, locked inside with the hurricane of my emotions and the words i need to set myself free to escape from the impending destruction of a good night’s sleep can be seen through the bars, so close…but just out of reach!

My followers better all reblog this…

i’m kinda in shock right now, just thinking in just over a week i’m gonna be 16, and the one thought that shouts out from the turmoil of the rest is, where the hell did that year go?! it seems like only yesterday (and i truly hate having to use that saying because a) it’s so cliched and b) it makes me sound old…even though i do feel old sometimes…which is depressing…..anyways, where was i?), and it was the 3rd of april 2010 and me and three of my close mates were spending the day in Milton Keynes, going to see Alice in Wonderland with the hilarious Johny Depp then going shopping and mucking around in the shopping centre and then later that night when my best friend steph asked me “so, you’re 15 tomorrow sis, how’d ya feel? do ya feel any older?” i didn’t know how to answer her then. but i think i do now. but it’s incredibly hard beacuse, how do you measure a year of your life, your fifteenth year in this world?

do you measure it in how many books you read, or, how many songs you listened to, the steps you walked, the breaths you took, the laughs you shared, the tears you shed, the moments you were with your friends and the worries fell away, the amount of times you woke up thinking “i really cannot be fucked to do this”, the times you pondered the universe, the movies you watched, the relationships you had, the kisses, the heartbreaks, the bursts of inspiration that created something beautiful, the times you felt alone, the shooting stars you wished on…..

the list could go on, and it would be limitless. and it all leads back to that same question; do you feel different? has the year that’s just gone changed you enough for there to be a noticeable difference in who you are today?

my answer? 

yes

i do feel different

because the girl i was then feels like a complete stranger to the girl i am now 

Was just walking down the alley to my street from walking a mate home when i saw the blossoms of the tree overhanging the alley, and from out of nowhere the following verse came to me;  

[Pink tree blossoms against night sky,

what an incongruous display.

A marker of new spring life,

in the darkness at the end of the day.]

pretty proud of myself. wrote more of my book, did some work in my art skethbook and came up with a random poem. not bad :)

ended my relationship today. really wasn’t good and i thought my chest would implode at the time, but looking back, it wasn’t so bad. we had some really good times together, had a laugh with my best friends and him together, he was there for me in some hard times and i would like to think that i was there for him when he needed me but i couldn’t tell you that for sure, you’d have to ask him. the times when there was just us and no words needed to be said, the moments that were purely ours i’ll treasure the most. so, i can honestly say that he didn’t break my heart, and i have no bad feelings towards him, and i hope that soon we can still be friends, that he’ll someday trust the fact that i’m here for him if he ever needs me and i hope the best for him and that things get better.

thank you for the memories :’)

tresmonitos:

you-are-my-cup-of-tea:

nativeturquoise:

I love my mom.

OH FUCK YOU, TUMBLR.

Fuck

What is the point of this confusing life,

with all it’s bumps and trists.

are we all just lonely souls,

wondering if love truly exists.

you have nightmares that haunt you and drown you in darkkness, you plan deaths like saw, you can’t trust people, you feel trapped inside your own mind and you’re always exhausted from lack of sleep.  fine, yes i know. but you’ve carried that with you all the time we’ve been together. we were fine.

and then..it just stopped.

yer, in the beginning you were pissed at me for a stupid mistake. then you kept distancing yourself from me. so, what i’m asking, when i ask what’s going on here, i’m asking what’s changed? what’s made it all so much worse that you can’t  bare to be with anyone. has anything changed to make you seem like you don’t care? or was how you were with me, the person i fell and am still in love with, a lie?

now do you get why i’m confused and hurt? or am i still fucking this all up, being ignorant, misunderstanding and getting it wrong.

 i don’t know, and that”s what’s killing me. i don’t know what the hell is going on with you or us. and i’ve had my heart torn up in that limbo too many times to be able to last much longer…

please, for the love of the goddess, let me get some goddamn sleep without having to wake up every 15 minutes in a chest-chokeing coughing fit!…..and please don’t let me dream…..

why does he haunt my dreams…..

if only i had pound for everytime someone i loved told me “don’t worry” or “stop worrying”, i’d be a billionaire by now. then i could take the people i worry about to a beatiful place far away from their troubles so they can simply BE.

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

 i’ve always wondered why in the last 3 years i have somehow gained the ability to say wise things without thinking on it first. they just come out, from where i have no clue. wisedom has always been associated with age, ever since the wise woman and elders of ancient civilisations past and almost entirely forgotten in the now, their teachings drowned out by the hum of traffick and blocked out like the skyscrapers that block the sunlight from the ground. then how are these words of comfort and knowledge possible.

i’ll give you an example.

i’m stuck at home ill at the moment, always prone to catching the chest infection ugs constantly roaming the air at school. i’m chilling, reading, when my best friend and sister in everyway apart from being linked by blood, texted me. telling me she’d broken down this morning….

…some of her friends went to a war zone, helping with aid and medical care i think, and were on their way home…when their helicopter was blown sky high….

it’s wouldv’e been one those boy’s birthday today. she asked me “why can’t i get over it?”. and i said, “Heartbreak takes time. Lost loves takes lifetimes. but we learn to bear it”. 

….how can i know anything of that grief?  

if we were flawlees, they’d be no point in living. for one, we would be so incessently boring and bored that we wouldn’t last a day, and for another, it is our mistakes and flaws that makes us human. and how we learn and rise above those mistakes is what defines us.

Everybody hurts someday
It’s okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way, it’s ok

Ladadadada.. It’s ok
lalalalala..
So many questions are much on mind
So many answers I cant find
Wish I could start back at that time
I want you

Everybody hurts someday
It’s okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts someday
Yes, we all feel this
be ok
Get somebody take me away
To a better place
Everybody feels this way.
Ooooh..
Lalalala. It’s ok
- Everybody Hurts by Avril Lavigne

in my experience, tears come into 2 catagories; the one’s that you can let fall in public, and the one’s you’d rather die than shed. most of mine i stuff into the second. ofcourse, there aree exceptions; crying at a sad movie, laughing so hard your eye’s water and when you confide in the few people you trust absolutely. in those situations, i’m not ashamed to cry. ut over the years, with the amount of shit i’ve had to put up with i have a resolve of steel that i will never give anyone trying to mess with me to satifaction of seeing my tears.

….tonight…i lost the battle.

i came in at about 10 to 7 tonight, after being with two of my friends on horseback while i rode my bike then helped with grooming the ponies and generally having a good time. but by the time i came home i was shattered, freezing after the sun had gone down, i ached in all the wrong places because of my frigging useless ike saddle and i was starving since the last thing i’d eaten had been at 1:30 at school. so i quickly grabbed a drink and a snack and headed to the office to warm up and socilaise quickly before dinner.

then dad came in…

i wont go into the details and just jump to the part where i’d just given up and was retreating with my snack and drink to get away from my dad, and that’s when he started screaming at me.          i’ve always had a weakness with loved ones and friends shouting at me. i just can’t cope.      i just broke down.

even as the tears fell i was shaking with shame and humiliation, the degradation stabbing at me.

i can’t forgive him. he’s acted like this a few times lately, but i can’t be reduced to that ever again.     

elaran:

Books and words were the saving grace in her life.
With books, she had entire worlds in her hands.
With books, she had a refuge and structure to her life. She lived inside stories.
       - Whitney Otto in A Collection of Beauties at the Height of their Popularity

Been seein’ to much of you lately
And you’re starting to get on my nerves.
This is exactly what happened last time and it’s not what we deserve
It’s a, it’s a waste of my time lately.
And I’m running out of words.
If it’s really meant to be than you can find a way to see

[Chorus]
Maybe you should just shut up
Even when it gets tough
Baby ‘cause this is love.
And you know when push comes to shove
It’s gonna take the both of us
Baby, this is love
Baby, this is love
Love
Love
Love
It’s really great to be with you
This is how I spend my life
But I’m capable of taking care of myself
So if you fuck this up than go take a hike
It’s a waste of my time
Shakin’ it up,
Goin’ out to search if it’s really meant to be
Then you could find a way to see

[Chorus]
Maybe you should just shut up
Even when it gets tough
Baby ‘cause this is love.
And you know when push comes to shove
It’s gonna take the both of us
Baby, this is love
Baby, this is love

[Bridge - sung by Evan Taubenfeld]
You and me
We can both start over
Just the two of us
We can get a little closer

[Bridge continues — Avril & Evan - Duet]
So follow me
Honestly
And you will see - Yeah

[Chorus]
Maybe you should just shut up
Even when it gets tough
Baby ‘cause this is love.
And you know when push comes to shove
It’s gonna take the both of us
Baby, this is love
Baby, this is love

Maybe you should just shut up
Even when it gets tough
Baby ‘cause this is love.
And you know when push comes to shove
It’s gonna take the both of us
Baby, this is love
Baby, this is love
Love
Love
Love  -Push, Avril Lavigne

what the hell is happening here? when we’re together we just mess about, that is if we’re even talking to eachother that day, and when we’re not……you accuse me of not listening and misunderstanding, but that’s a two way street. one minute you’re running warm, then next you’re cold and distant…..is htis what we both deserve from eachother?

i want this to work out so much,for this to be just a glitch that we can both talk out then go back to how we were, just being us, in a world full of violence, liers and people talking all at once and never truly listening because it’s better than silence…..

i don’t know anymore…..

“I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you, it’s not like that at all
There’s a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall you just walk through it”